Kinfolk said a Red state is the place they ought to be. So the Trumps are loading up a truck and moving to Floridee.


It wasn’t what employees of Two Men and a Box expected to find when they were collecting Donald Trump’s personal items in the Oval Office. Pak Iddup was the one who made the gruesome discovery. “I opened the bottom drawer of Mr. Trump’s desk and couldn’t believe what I saw. I’ve been a mover for twenty years, and have found some weird stuff that people have forgotten about. There was that time I found Speaker Paul Ryan’s spine in a closet when I was packing up his office, but this is the first time I’ve found a pair of testicles.”

Iddup immediately called 9-1-1 to alert authorities about his discovery but was put on hold as emergency lines are overloaded in D.C. So he called his boss at Two Men and a Box, Kahn Tainer, for guidance. Tainer contacted his lawyer to clarify how the Finders-Keepers law applies to testicles. Kahn has previously utilized the Finders-Keepers law to sell unclaimed items that his movers discover on eBay. Kahn’s lawyer, Robert Scruthem, contacted Donald Trump’s personal attorney, Rudy Giuliani. Kahn recorded the conversation with the hope of selling it to the highest media bidder. When Giuliani was asked if he knew who the testicles belonged to, he replied, “Testicles? You found them, huh. I don’t know about any testicles!” Then he hung up the phone.

Kahn’s lawyer advised him to submit the testicles for DNA testing to see who they belong to because previous ownership could significantly impact the market value on eBay. Two Men and a Box has also been hired to pack up Vice President Pence’s office. So Kahn says the current plan is to “grab a drinking glass that’s been used. Then I think we’ll probably have our answer and can go ahead and get an auction set up.”

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