By ANITA DRINGHK
Lemmings across America resent being compared to Trump supporters.
Sally Lemmings, president of support group “Lemming Be Myself,” held a press conference to set the record straight. “Nobody expects white supremacists and fascists to have good judgment about who they follow, so I’ll avoid commenting on that; but we’re outraged that Americans assumed that lemmings were also Trump supporters. We’re not even overwhelmingly Republican. Despite the misconceptions, most of us are Independent.” Visibly upset, she took a deep breath before continuing. “Sure, a handful of misguided lemmings voted for Trump, but we’re not all like that. While we understand the country’s concern about Trump’s Kool-Aid drinkers possibly committing mass suicide if Trump pulled a Jim Jones on them, we want it to be known that we have better judgment. Contrary to popular belief, we don’t willingly commit mass suicide; we just have a funky GPS that sometimes leads us astray. And while I’ve got your ear, I want to go on the record and tell you that lemmings don’t fall out of the sky during stormy weather, and we don’t blow up—unless we drink too much Diet Coke in a day.”
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