FORTY-FIVE APPLIES FOR NAME CHANGE

A Change Is in Store for Forty-Five

By ANITA DRINGHK

Forty-five has had it. It no longer wants to be called that and will be filing an application for a name change as soon as possible.

The number that is now seeking to re-invent itself spent much of its life out of the spotlight. There have been moments in history when it experienced more attention than it was comfortable with, as was the case in AD 45 and 1945. And over the past century it has experienced some notoriety among consumers of pop music and gun aficionados, but for the most part, it has stayed under the radar.

It was a powerful name for a powerful number, but everything changed in November 2016 when Donald J. Trump became the 45th President of the United States. The Number has been in hiding ever since.

The number, who voted for Hillary, completely understands why Americans have been revulsed by The Number Formerly Known As 45. “It’s not my fault that Trump is the way he is, but I get why they think I share the views of the guy who took my name. But this numbering of the presidents thing, it’s not a marriage. And I haven’t condoned a single thing he’s done in my former name.”

When asked why The Number didn’t change its name as soon as Trump took office, it responded. “It wasn’t safe for me to go out in public. My friend Forty-four told me that Steve Bannon had a hit out on me because he heard that I was less than thrilled about Trump using my name. I’m still afraid, but my back’s against the wall. There’s no going forward with that name. I need a clean break. This is my first step toward my goal of emancipation. Forty-four, Forty-three, and Forty-two, and their bodyguards are going to come with me to the courthouse tomorrow to file the paperwork. When it’s a done deal, I’m going incognito.”

The Number refused to even hint at what new name it has in mind. “It just isn’t safe to let the world know who I once was. And it’s dangerous to publicly disassociate from Trump and his mafia thugs,” it said. “The cost of doing so is too high.” Although The Number wouldn’t provide any information about its future, sources close to it have heard that a book deal is in the works and it might be moving in with either Omarosa Manigault Newman or Anthony Scaramucci until it can get back on its feet. They agree that The Number Formerly Known As Forty-Five will most likely go by an unpronounceable symbol.

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