The American Flag is embarrassed. “Recent impeachment proceedings began each day with senators pledging allegiance to me, but it was televised for all to see that most Republican senators aren’t faithful to me.” American Flag, who is trying to change her image and is asking that she be called “AF,” has had it. “I hung in there for over four years. I was still there with the hope that things would get better,” she said. “I knew that the racists had someone in their corner, in addition to the Confederate Flag. But I really held out hope that legislators would help return the focus in the country to me. Forty-three senators have made it clear that they plan to continue their love affair with the Trump Banner—as will millions of U.S. citizens, and Vladimir Putin. What’s gone on in 2021 is the last straw. It distresses me.”

When asked what has been most upsetting about 2021, AF said, “Pick any day since January 6th. I was there that day at the Capitol, wrapped around racists and Trump supporters—I’m sorry, that was redundant. I used to stand for freedom and liberty, but they make it look like I stand for madness and mayhem. I need to set the record straight and tell you I don’t condone anything Trump’s supporters have ever done in my name. I really wish they would just stick with using the Confederate Flag or that young hussy, Trump Banner, and leave me out of their Trump-sanctioned activities. The Trump Banner is who Republican senators and congresspeople have been courting for over four years, and I really can’t hide the truth anymore.” AF was visibly shaken as she addressed her feelings about Republicans’ lack of faithfulness to her. “Sure, the Trump Banner is a lot younger than me, but what about integrity, decency, democracy, all that I’ve stood for? What does she have that I don’t? I mean, besides letters.”

AF addressed Trump Banner’s allure. “I’ve become accustomed over the years with competing with the Confederate Flag for Republican loyalty, but I was honestly blind-sided when Trump Banner introduced herself to the public. I really thought citizens would see through her flimsiness. I’m not even sure she’s from the United States. I’ve heard she was made in China.”

 AF was torn about how to respond to the handling of the insurrection at the Capitol. “I love this country, but I’m not sure about my future here. I just renewed my passport so I can visit other countries once the pandemic is over. I currently have my eye on Canada. People in that land seem free and the brave have a nice home there. Lately, they’ve respected what I stand for more than many U.S. citizens, about 74 million of them. I might actually retire in Canada where I can watch democracy crumple from a distance and not be abused by Trump supporters anymore. That way nobody else can wrap me around them and commit crimes in my name. I’m done with being used. I prefer that they commit their crimes under the Trump Banner. That’s the new standard in America. If I move, I’ll be sure to wave.”

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