DEMOCRATS UNITE TO PREVENT ENTRY TO U.S. FROM MEXICO

By ANITA  DRINGHK

According to the Democratic Party Platform, they believe “immigration is not just a problem to be solved, it is a defining aspect of the American character and our shared history.” But last week Democrats pivoted from their usual desire to honor their fundamental values “by treating all people who come to the United States with dignity and respect” when they scrambled to prevent entry to the U.S. from Mexico.

Democrats didn’t succeed in keeping Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX) from entering America as he returned from his brief “good dad” vacation to Cancun. Cruz’s conscience (also known as Twitter) caused him to return to his freezing state of Texas, which was still in the midst of the disaster he was trying to escape, before Mexican officials could successfully detain him. Some Democrats are now pointing fingers at who they think dropped the ball.

A member of Congress requesting anonymity stated, “We had Beto O’Rourke call the National Institute of Immigration (NIM) in Mexico, but they didn’t understand what he was saying quickly enough. Flyin’ Ted was able to catch a flight back to the U.S. before we could stop him.” When asked if Beto considered communicating in English instead of using his “side-eye” inducing accent, the congressperson responded, “No, no, it wasn’t Beto’s crappy Spanish that they didn’t understand. The NIM didn’t understand quickly enough that the U.S. wanted to give Mexico over five million dollars to keep Ted Cruz—forever. No strings attached.” The funds that were collected in record-setting time to help Texas were raised by several Democratic leaders. Former Rep. Beto O’Rourke (D-TX) raised one million dollars in donations from Cruz’s neighbors who don’t like the way he treats his dog. And Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) raised four million dollars so far to keep Ted Cruz out of the United States.

Although Cruz is currently back home, going through the motions of attending to suffering Texans, Democrats behind the fundraising effort intend to monitor his location going forward. “We plan to continue raising money. Cruz’s daughters just made a nice donation after he threw them under the bus. The next time Ted Cruz leaves the country for business or to be a ‘good dad,’ we’ll be making an immigration official in some foreign country very wealthy.”