GOP Puts on Blinders as Capitol Police Officers Describe Having Eyes Gouged Out on January 6th


Most Capitol Hill Republicans did not watch the testimony of Capitol Hill police officers who saved their lives on January 6th during the attack on the Capitol and the democratic process. When Republicans were asked what their reaction was to the accounts of the traumatic physical and emotional injuries police officers received while protecting them, many explanations involving greater priorities were provided concerning their inability to watch yesterday’s hearing.

The accounts of racism on display in the halls of the Capitol during the riot when Black officers were called the n-word, and the brutal violence involving eye gouging and getting beaten with the American flag, were missed by House Minority Leader, Kevin McCarthy (R-CA). He had a previously scheduled appointment with a neurologist to examine why McCarthy is unable to recall that he called it an “insurrection” on January 6th. And after the appointment, he was busy exploring ways to continue denying science—and reality in general.

Elise Stefanik, the No. 3 House Republican (NY) after successfully stealing the position from Liz Cheney in a classic mean girl move, reportedly had her media devices off all day while she attended spin class as well as an hours-long class to complete her certification in finger pointing. Though she’s a natural at spinning and targeting others with her self-serving blame tactics—as evidenced by her statement that “In December of 2020, Nancy Pelosi was made aware of potential security threats to the Capitol, and she failed to act”—Stefanik felt it was necessary to secure finger-pointing certification so that the mostly mysoginistic men in the GOP will take her seriously.

Representative Jim Jordan (R-OH) was unable to take in the hearing testimony because he was at his weekly clown class where he was working on perfecting blowing things up—like negotiations, fact-finding missions, and his previous claim that he didn’t speak with Donald Trump on January 6th.

Representative Andrew Clyde (R-GA),  who is most known for noting the normal tourist visit on January 6th as people with assault weapons stayed “between the stanchions and ropes taking videos and pictures,” had his television turned off yesterday because he was busy reviewing his “How to Barricade the Doors When Tourists Visit the Capitol” manual.

Senate Minority Leader, Mitch McConnell (R-KY) was unavailable to view the hearing because he was busy whitewashing facts, then was holed up in his den crocheting a really really big blanket. It is suspected that he plans to throw it over the country to cover the fact that the GOP is the real threat to America.

Most Republicans on Capitol Hill have already clearly stated they will continue to choose “Coup over Blue, just because” and will not be tuning in to future hearings involving the insurrection.  When the additional riot testimonies are scheduled to occur, admittedly opportunistic Republicans will be attending an on-going community education course in autocracy, “How to Utilize Disinformation,” where they will learn how to further push the agenda that led people to storm the Capitol and attempt to overthrow American democracy. It is their hope that they can continue generating sympathy for the “loving” crowd of January 6th insurrectionists.

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