BY ANITA DRINGHK

As a result of recent wildfires in America’s parched western terrain and devastating flooding in the east—along with record-setting temperatures and other extreme weather disasters around the planet—environmental activists in the United States have uncovered a key driving force behind climate change.   

In a last-ditch effort to protect Earth from future disastrous events, lawyers for the eco-friendly group Save Our Planet Now successfully subpoenaed Mother Nature’s cell phone records. When going through the documents, the lawyers’ team found texts from conservative activist Ginni Thomas, wife of U.S. Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas.

In a series of 666 messages, Ginni Thomas repeatedly urges Mother Nature to overturn the world, for fun. Ginni Thomas and Mother Nature exchanged text messages for several years, with Thomas initiating most of the conversations with Nature, whom she affectionately referred to as “Nat.” Thomas has apparently been asking her to stir things up ever since Earth Day 1994, when then Vice-President Al Gore launched the GLOBE program (Global Learning and Observation to Benefit the Environment) to increase students’ awareness of their environment. Thomas pleaded with her friend to “give the world something freaky to observe.” Thomas then followed her request with what appears to be the first-known cyber use of the term “LOL.” But it is unknown if Thomas meant “laughing out loud” or “look out, liberals.” Political experts suspect the latter is true. It is suggested in exchanges between the two long-time friends that Thomas has also been in communication with asteroids and invasive species and has requested that they also help her “shake things up.”

While Ginni Thomas made an effort to make her texts appear to be nothing more than friendly banter about burning and flooding people’s homes around the world, in one of her most recent texts to Mother Nature, Thomas makes a specific request of her friend: “I’m bored. I’d like to see some dry thunderstorms in the West.” Nature responds by seriously embracing the request.

According to sources close to both women, the relationship between Nature and Thomas goes back to finishing school, where both girls were prepping to run the world. But Ginni Thomas has rebutted claims that she has played any role in the climate havoc that is occurring. “Nat is one of my best friends. But she is her own woman,” Thomas said in a statement to the press. “She’s a creative force to be reckoned with and I would never mess with her by telling her what to do.”

Mother Nature could not be reached for comment on this article and has stopped cooperating with the investigation into climate change.